Category Archives: Funny quotes

Funny quotes

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“A friend is someone who listens to your bullshit, tells you that it’s bullshit and then listens to more of your bullshit.”
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“BITCHCRAFT: The art of pissing people off by telling them the truth.”
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“You know what I like about people? Their Dogs.”
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“History will be kind to me for I intend to write it.”
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“Usually I’m remarkably good natured. Try me on a day that doesn’t end in y.”
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“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.”
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“If writers wrote as carelessly as some people talk, then adhasdh asdglaseuyt[bn[ pasdlgkhasdfasdf.”
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“You know, one of the tragedies of real life is that there is no background music.”
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“Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy.”
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“I was asked once, ‘you’re a smart man, why aren’t you rich? I replied ‘you’re a rich man, why aren’t you smart?”
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“My ambition is handicapped by laziness.”
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“I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read in the train.”
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“Man may have discovered fire, but women discovered how to play with it.”
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“Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.”
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“You wouldn’t worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do.”
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“My tastes are simple: I am easily satisfied with the best.”
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“It’s not denial. I’m just selective about the reality I accept.”
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“I am very interested and fascinated how everyone loves each other, but no one really likes each other.”
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“I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn’t know.”
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“I have great faith in fools – self-confidence my friends will call it.”
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