Tag Archives: funny

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“All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.”
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“Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.”
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“Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car.”
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“Never put off till tomorrow what may be done day after tomorrow just as well.”
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“Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.”
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“The fool doth think he is wise, but the wise man knows himself to be a fool.”
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“It is better to remain silent at the risk of being thought a fool, than to talk and remove all doubt of it.”
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“I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.”
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“Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.”
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“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe.”
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“SARCASM the body’s natural defense against stupidity.”
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“It’s so funny how friends forget us when they don’t need any more favors.”
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“Push will get a person almost anywhere- except through a door marked pull.”
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“You never run out of chances until you stop taking them.”
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“I don’t have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem.”
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“I miss the old days where if you liked someone, all you had to do was chase them around the playground.”
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“If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they’ll kill you.”
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“The thing about smart people is that they seem like crazy people to dumb people.”
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“That’s why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.”
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“Sweetie, if you’re going to be two faced, at least make one of them pretty.”
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