“You can’t always control who walks into your life but, you CAN control which window you throw them out of…!”
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“Don’t take life too seriously. You’ll never get out of it alive.”
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“The more you know, the crazier you look.”
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“It might look like I’m doing nothing, but at the cellular level I’m quite busy.”
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“You laugh at me because I’m different, I laugh at you because you’re all the same.”
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“If fifty million people say a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing.”
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“Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.”
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“The more I learn about people, the more I like my dog.”
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“Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.”
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“You want to come in my life, the door is open. You want to get out of my life, the door is open. Just one request: Don’t stand in the door, you’re blocking the traffic.”
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“Truth is the most valuable thing we have. Let us economize it.”
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“It’s easier to fool people than to convince them that they have been fooled.”
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“You Are the Result of 4 Billion Years of Evolutionary Success. Act Like It.”
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“Some people need a high five in the face with a chair.”